How To Answer Kids’ Questions: “Just never you mind, kumquat!”

How To Answer Kids' Questions

There are days I’m so tired I only take questions from the kids that can be answered with a blank stare. But here are some random examples of how I’ve answered some of my kids’ questions:

  • More is not always less. Or something like that.
  • Just never you mind, kumquat.
  • Why? Because hedgehogs are cute. I don’t know… don’t ask me questions.
  • You really shouldn’t pet the petty.
  • Ever feel like an unpopped zit? That.
  • Because I’m a princess, dammit!
  • Because 7-11 breeds interesting people late at night.
  • I’m not going to hell because I don’t fit in a handbasket.
  • ‘Pulled pork’ has never sounded okay to me.

The best answer to any kid’s question: “I got nothin.”
But here are some more random examples of how I’ve answered some of my kids’ questions:

  • It’s Hakuna My Tatas or something, right?
  • I think most of my neighbors were born into toilets.
  • I’m currently contemplating the mating habits of dust bunnies.
  • Well if the Cat in the Hat’s so smart, let him change his own litter box.
  • But then do skinny cows only make skim milk? I’m so confused.
  • Because I have kids with half a brain, so I require smart dogs.
  • But the bigger question is, why is ‘taint’ but not ‘aint‘ recognized by my spell check?
  • Who needs cocaine when I have apple fritters?
  • Sure, that’s a problem, but isn’t having a tongue like the coolest thing ever though?

Also check out How To Discipline Kids: “Don’t make me show you my angry face.”

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