I initially brought you all here to complain about farting kids and how much they love to try to get me involved.
Like how my kid started playing in his fourth-grade elementary school band – probably just because he can make fart noises with the trumpet. I wish I were as enthusiastic and dogmatic about anything like my kids are about trying to get me interested in hearing fart noises. I mean, I never thought I’d get sick of hearing laughter until I had these kids (and their dad) so obsessed with fart noises.
But the thing is, there are some ridiculously cute things related to farting to be found out there.
Just a simple fart search on Amazon brought up a bunch. I’m not ashamed. I was looking for a fart t-shirt for my kid. If you can’t beat it out of ’em, might as well enjoy it out of ’em, right?
Like here are a couple of fart books for any age:
Does It Fart? The Definitive Field Guide to Animal Flatulence
The Day My Fart Followed Me Home
Anyway, here are some funny anecdotes and conversations with kids about farting. Enjoy!
Lazy Sunday with my boys means lots of lazy fart jokes up in here.
All three boys are farting up a storm. There’s enough methane gas in my tiny home to rival a large chicken farm in Kansas. And they don’t understand why I like to be alone sometimes…
Question is, will I be the first mom to murder her son for repeat farting offenses in close quarters? And will I get a movie of the week?
Bubbles sound from upstairs through my ceiling.
Child farted in bath.
Now there’s need to check to see if he’s alive.
4yo just woke up smiling, “I think I farted. Let’s cuddle.”
I’ve been assimilated. It took four boys and their dad to wear me down to the point where I now think it’s cute when the 4-year-old happily announces, “I farted!”
The fart humor thing seems to be bred into boys.
2yo: Did you farted?
Me: I did.
2yo: Good.
I know what the term ‘beef stew’ means, among other unsavory things, because I’ve spent mucho timo in an all-male household. Yet people wonder why I have such horrendous behavior.
I’ve outlawed farting in my house. But my kids are outlaws themselves.
I was just inches away from being beef stewed by my 4yo. This is grounds for an honor beating.
With four boys and a sophomoric husband, life is filled to the brim with fart humor. But I must confess, I was pretty good at it before.
Men and boys have such dedication to the craft of passing gas. They’re true Fartists.
ME: Don’t beef stew your brother!
13YO: He likes it! Do you like it?
3YO: Yaaah! I fart you too.
My kids have taken to announcing across the house whenever they fart. Why? They think it’s funny.
“Hey Mom?”
(Yah?)
“I just farted.”
(Sigh)
Then a brother joins in.
“Hey Mom?”
(YES?!)
“He just farted.”
And then they all fall over themselves giggling.
(Sigh)
About boys and farting in cars. Not gonna happen. I’ll leave their butts on the side of the road before they choke me out. Mark my words.
Just kicked my 16yo in the shins for farting next to me. I cannot stand it when they do that. However, I do like revenge farting ON them.
When my 16yo says, “I think I ran out of gas” it has nothing to do with driving. And my kid wonders why I blow burps in his face. I think it’s pretty obvious how I feel about him.
Slumber party with my 16yo since watching War of the Worlds bugged his sensitive soul. I plan on farting on him a lotta lot.
I just crop-dusted my 13-year-old. Further proof that having boys was best for my sensibilities.
ME: You did NOT just ‘Beef Stew’ your 3yo brother!
12YO: He loves it. And I didn’t even ask him to open his mouth this time.
I tried denying that I farted, but it was epic and my 6yo has spent the last 10 minutes perfecting the noise that came out of me.
My 5yo has farted on me a dozen times today. He laughs. I like it better when he’s mad at me.
“Oh my God, what’s farting on me? Oh my freaking God, quit farting on me!”
~ 4YO being adorably uncouth again.
I have 4 boys. Farting on me is definitely a sign of affection. Of course I’ve been doing it to them since they were wee beebs.
Me to my kid: Points for making a fart joke so prolific. Boys and their bowels…
Did you know that buying from Amazon
link helps me pay for my kids’ freckles?
Thank you! They’re super adorable.