Anyone That Knows Boogers, Knows Funny.

toddler, picking nose, parenting humor, boogers

As a mom of four, I’ve got a lot of booger experiences to share. Check it out:

If your day does not include the phrase, “Don’t eat your boogers,” then clearly you have less disgusting children than me.


“I think the back of this car seat needs a few boogers dried on it!”
– Some kid somewhere


How many times a day should I say, “Don’t eat your boogers” before I just give up trying?


How does one little 24-pound baby body possibly produce so much snot in one day? It doesn’t seem humanly possible! I should measure it for reference in a Snot Journal:

Day 4 = 1 liter of snot.
Day 10 = I’m in hell.
Day 15 = Slightly less than yesterday.
Day 21 = When will this end?
Day 29 = WTF?!


booger plushie, snot, toy, toddlerWhile you’re in the booger mood, go get some booger games and plushies from Amazon.com so I can keep writing about boogers.


One of the things I dislike most about toddlers: They don’t know how to blow their noses and they’re absolutely offended that you want to try to keep them snot free.


Some of us realize you can’t be so unhygienic as to wipe your boogers on your shirt. Some of those suckers could cut glass when dried. The rest of us are not children.


My toddler just picked his nose and then stuck his finger in his brother’s mouth, laughing hysterically. I mean, really! He’s a sweet, little, two-year-old! Where did he learn to shove a booger in his brother’s mouth?! Isn’t that kind of grade school-ish?


Toddler just yelled, “No pick oh nose!” and grabbed my arm.
But it was just an itch, I swear! He was SO offended. I said, “Hey! If you can pick yours and eat it, then I can use a tissue.”
So he laughed and handed me back my tissue and said, “Oh pick oh nose.”
*sniff* It was the most grown-up conversation we’ve ever had!


2yo: Mom, I ate my burger.
Me: No, what you ate was your booger. Next time go for the burger.


I wonder if spirits get annoyed when they catch you picking your nose in private.


I just excavated a booger the size of Staten Island from the four-year-old’s nose. Do you wanna see it? It’s add-it-to-your-salad-as-a-garnish big.


Anyone know how to photoshop snot off of otherwise cute pics? I’m not kidding; I got two really adorable pics of the baby outside with the zoom lens before realizing he had a snot wad over his lip. Oh who am I kidding, when doesn’t he carry a wad of snot around?


Everyone thinks my three-year-old is so amazing. I wonder if they’ll change their mind once they know he eats his boogers every day.


One of my smartassed friends said, “Eating boogers strengthens your immune system– you shouldn’t discourage it… Google ‘eating boogers is nutritious'”

“That’s a lotta booger” is not really something I enjoy waking up to hearing my three-year-old say with his finger hovering above my face. At what age do boys stop showing their moms their boogers?


On the downside, my three-year-old keeps handing me his boogers from behind me in my chair. On the upside, he’s not wiping them in my hair. But what age are you supposed to stop picking your nose and handing it to your mother?


If someone else’s kid sneezes on you, the protocol is to kill it and hide the body.


My three-year-old just wiped snot on my chest and I have to go to the bank without a clean shirt. This momming thing completely rocks.


What time is it? According to the three-year-old, it’s booger picking time. Get on board!


My three-year old’s attitude directly correlates to the size and amount of huge boogers clogging his septum. You can’t see them in there, but once he excavates he chills out considerably.


GET THIS BOOK!
Kids love Captain Underpants and the Big Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy.


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